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Archive for the ‘Food musings’ Category

I do not suffer from this condition. Those who may suffer are people around me who wilfully make inflammatory remarks, jokes and otherwise mock certain things that must be done a particular way in order to prevent the imminent destruction of the universe. Let us look together at a few examples of how OCFD may present itself and how caring family and friends should therefore behave:

  • The need (and yes, that is a need, not merely a wish) to eat at the same establishment whenever in the vicinity of said establishment and to order the same thing from the menu every single time. Jokes along the lines of: “So, what would you do if xyz was no longer on the menu?” are not appreciated and may lead to complete hysterical breakdown as such a scenario is contemplated.
  • To illustrate the above point with a real life example – yes, this means that if I am in Apollo Bay for a week that I do in fact need to eat at Café 153 every single day for their big toasted sourdough sandwich with cheese, sun dried tomatoes and chunky basil pesto for lunch. Preferably with a glass of sauvignon blanc, although chardonnay may also be acceptable.
  • If, upon rocking up to desired establishment, it is found to be closed for some disturbingly named “private function”, sympathy and strong liquor are needed. When hunting the streets nearby for somewhere else to eat, do not expect enthusiasm from the person in your life with OCFD. Conversation may well proceed as follows:

“What about here?”

“I don’t waaaaaaant their stupid saaaaaandwich!”

“You know you sound like a four year old, don’t you?”

“I do noooooooooot!”

It is quite likely that the word “not” will encompass at least four syllables, a gulping, bravely stifled sob and more pain than those who live without OCFD will ever understand. (more…)

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